I realize it might be considered bad form to complain about how hard it is to plan this kind of trip and how stressful it can be when you don’t know what you’re doing…but now matter how lucky one person’s circumstances might appear to others, humans are great at adapting to their current reality. You win the lottery, have more money than god…you still find your self with financial worries. You inherit a beautiful, limited edition car, you still bitch about finding a garage that can change the oil properly.
I recently bought a stack of guide books and a world map at the Barnes and Noble. The cashier, her ID badge stated her name was Falkor, asked me if I was planning a trip and I confirmed her suspicions (clever girl…) She asked where I was going, and flapping my hands at the Lonely Planet collection on the counter, managed to get out a meek “everywhere.”
The Luck Dragon squeaked, and called over her cashier peers, Atreyu, Morla and Uyulala*, and shared my plans with them. They looked at me, eyes wide. “How exciting!!!” I swallowed, nodded, and said ‘it’s a bit stressful.” Then I made The Face.
The Face is something I have caught myself doing a lot recently. If we’ve talked about this trip before, you have probably seen it. I hope you forgive me for it. The Face starts with a smile through clenched teeth, raised eyebrows, a slight deadening of the eyes and then quickly turns into a small grimace, suggesting that I’m not quite committed to emotions The Face Part I conveys. This display ends with a shrug.
Here’s the thought process behind The Face:
- I agree! It’s very exciting in theory.
- I’m not excited. I can’t even imagine being excited, I just see a big black hole of unknown stuff and it’s freaking me out.
- I hope this person doesn’t think I’m a privileged jerk.
- It’s entirely possible that we might hate this trip.
- Keep smiling…don’t be rude.
- I feel completely unprepared for this.
- Fuck it. I’m sure it will all come together.
Here’s what The Face actually conveys:
- Yeah, yeah…thanks.
- It’s sort of a drag.
In short, The Face makes me look like the worlds biggest asshole. I know this, because I watch the expression of the people in front of me rapidly go from ‘wow!’ to a quizzical ‘huh?’
Falkor called it like she saw it. “Don’t make that face! That’s awesome!”
It IS awesome…I know it is…I promise.
I’m just freaking out a little bit.
*name have been changed to protect the innocent